One of the hardest things in time management is dealing with the demands on your time that come from others. Many people follow the pattern of saying yes to everything, becoming overwhelmed, then reacting angrily when people ask them to do more.

What follows is my take on the best way to say no, leaving you to focus on the most important things, without burning too many bridges or causing bad feeling.

The main reason you need to be able to say no to others is that your priorities will never perfectly match everyone else’s, and you will never be able to achieve your goals if you aren’t able to make time for your priorities. If you cannot say no, other people will govern your priorities forever.

Take responsibility

It is hard, but the first thing you must do is to take responsibility for managing your own time. Until you can do this, you will be at the mercy of others. Remember that you don’t have to say yes to anything.

I have often found it all too easy to fall into the trap of blaming a boss, clients, co-workers, or family members for my over-busy schedule. In reality, I need to accept that the reason I am too busy is because I have agreed to too much, either deliberately by saying yes to things, or passively by not having the courage to say no.

Know your workload

Knowing your own workload is the first step to being able to say no to requests. If you don’t know how your time is allocated then you won’t know what you are able to say ‘yes’ to.

You can do this by using a “points” system as described in a previous post, or with another time management system of your choosing.

Don’t commit without thinking

The right response when someone asks you to take on a non-trivial task is : “Let me take a look at it”. You first need to figure out how big a job this is before you can commit to a timescale. Too often it is tempting to simply say yes without properly reviewing your schedule and the size of the task. Don’t let others pressure you into a quick response!

Give the other person options

Rather than just saying ‘no’ straight out, it can be good to give the other person options. This works particularly well if the other person is your boss, and the majority of the tasks on your plate have been given to you by them. You can say “I’m really happy to take on task C, but which would you like me to stop working on, task A or B”. It may be that the other person simply doesn’t realise how much you have on, and what the implications will be of giving you more work.

Explain your reasons

Rather than just saying no you can explain why. For example you could say that you have certain deadlines to meet, and that you have carefully prioritised your work. If this person is your boss, you could give them options as described above, otherwise you can suggest that they speak to your boss to escalate the issue and have them make a priority call.

Instead of saying ‘no’ say ‘later’

One very simple way to deal with these issues is to simply schedule the work for a later date. Rather than refusing, simply tell the person that you can help them at a particular time and date. As long as you know your workload (see above) this should be straightforward. If you do this, be sure to keep your commitment, as this will build trust with the other person and give them confidence that they can rely on you when you promise to do work later on.

Use positive language

If you need to say no to someone, try to avoid framing it in a negative way, or implying that they are unreasonable for asking. They have a right to ask you to do something, and you always have a right to say no. Try and empathise with their need for whatever it is they are asking, remember they are probably under pressure as well, and use the strategies above to come to a positive solution that works for everyone.